Reflections on my cane

I am holding one of my canes in my hand and although I’ve owned it for a dozen years or more, I have never really looked at it – not closely before. You might have one similar to it. It’s made of rattan (I think) which is a natural plant but my cane has been shaped at one end into a curved (or crooked) handle. That demonstrates that somebody has deliberately fashioned it for a particular purpose: to be a punishment cane. It is what is often known as ‘an authentic school cane’.

It’s a light brown colour – or possibly not brown but beige, fawn, tan, taupe or Khaki – there are many shades of beige but I’d say it’s on the paler side, more yellowy than mud-coloured. It is 73 cms long from tip to handle – or 29 ins if you voted for Brexit. In my stories I sometimes describe a cane as ‘being as thick as a pencil’ but I had never actually tested if such was true. I have just fished a pencil out of my drawer and having compared the two I can report that my cane is a little thicker. I wonder if this is really a school cane or something harsher?

I never experienced the cane at school – that is I was never whacked nor knew of anyone who was – not because I was an especially well-behaved child but because we were at that time in history where although corporal punishment hadn’t yet been outlawed it had fallen into disuse. That meant my personal experience didn’t start until adulthood.

My cane has a sheen when it catches the light; maybe at some time it’s had a coat of varnish and this makes it a little slippery when trying to get a good grip. I never varnished it and to be honest I haven’t taken much care of it at all. It comes out for play and rather like Teddy in the old Andy Pandy TV show at the end it goes back in its box. “Time to go home …”

There are three knots evenly distributed along the length of my cane but these have been sanded down so they are smooth. Some thought has gone into this, I expect; knots and other bumps along the stem of the cane could cause unwanted injury, especially if being applied with some vigour on the bare. It is warped a little and this demonstrates that it does actually get used for its intended purpose and is not just swished about.

My cane is as light as a feather and that reminds me of the time I purchased it. I got it on e-Bay in either 2004 or 2008 (I won’t bore you with an explanation as to why I know it was either of those two years and not any other) and I bought a set of three canes. They were delivered by the postman and the seller assured customers of discretion in packaging. I don’t know if I believed that and I was a little apprehensive but one morning a very narrow but long parcel arrived. The canes were wrapped in thin card and heavy sticky tape was wound around it along its full length, if you kneaded the package with your fingers and knew what you were looking for you might have detected the contents. The postman (and yes, it was a man) could have rung my bell and placed it in my hot sticky hand but instead opted to thread the whole thing, three feet long, through the letter box. Had he twigged its contents and wanted to hide his (or my) embarrassment?

To digress on discretion, many years later I bought online a pair of grey short trousers from a school uniform outfitter (we might even call it ‘authentic’). I have the good fortune to have a 32 ins waist and am able to buy children’s’ sizes. They duly arrived but as part of the address label on the package was a detailed description of the order contained therein.

Now back to my cane. I Have just held it in both hands and flexed it in the way that cartoon headmasters – and Jimmy Edwards in the TV show Whacko! – were wont to do. There is resistance when it bends and you can flex it but there is no way you can make it into a bow. Perhaps you could tell me; does soaking the cane in water make it more pliable? I have also swiped it through the air (apparently headmasters were obliged to do this before delivering the first stroke to the awaiting bending schoolboy; or did this only happen in certain videos?) It made a lovely evocative swishing sound as it flew. I took a few practice swipes into a scatter cushion strategically placed on the top of my settee. Bang! Bang! Bang! Bingo! I hope my neighbour didn’t have her sitting room window open.

My cane might be described as “authentic school” but it has never in my knowledge been used as such. How it was used – if at all – before I purchased it I can’t say. I have used it countless times, but – and I’m sure this will come as no great surprise to you – I have never had the opportunity to swipe it across a backside attached to a man under the age of about 50. Not that I am asking for you to send me a line of children to deal with – remember our fun is among consenting adults only – but there does seem to be a lack of younger men available to touch their toes or go over the back of my armchair. Perhaps, that is just my bad luck and not your experience.

Sometimes canes are described as ‘mightily effective’ or the user is assured ‘this cane will truly sting.’ As you know those descriptions are mostly worthless since whether a caning hurts or not (or how much pain it inflicts) depends almost entirely on the person wielding it and the layers of clothing (if any) that protect the buttocks. There are also issues about how much pain the bottom (person being caned) is wanting to take.

I can attest from personal experience that my cane really does hurt but I can take it like a man; just don’t leave me battered and bleeding; this is after all school role-play, not S&M. I remember many years ago visiting a professional headmaster (sadly, now gone to the great study in the sky) who despaired of ever being able to make me flinch under his cane. One evening I arrived to be dealt with (over the armchair, trousers at the ankles, underpants at the knees) and he had a vast array of sticks of different lengths and densities which he proceeded to sink into my backside a dozen strokes at a time. I don’t want you to think ill of the headmaster and his efficiency at his job (he was universally regarded as excellent) and nor do I want you to overly admire my fortitude but after several dozen strokes with assorted rods I was still standing; or more accurately, still bending. That is in distinction from running around the study hopping from foot to foot, kneading my blistered bottom while simultaneously howling in the wind. Nor am I a person to shriek “eeeek!”, “ouch!”, “yarroo!” and so forth as the cane bites into my naked bottom. Sometimes if I’m feeling the pain I’ll wheeze out a low dry cough, but that’s all you’ll get from me. 

(On a different occasion at another place, I once took more than 300 strokes – we counted them – over two hours).

On my international travels I am sometimes overly fascinated by how easy it is to buy ‘school type’ canes. They were openly on sale in the markets of Doha, Qatar; just bundles of curve-handled canes in baskets. Who buys them? I would have, but how would you explain them to Customs at the airport on the way home?

It was the same in Singapore where they sold thin bamboo canes with plastic curved handles; these were clearly intended to be used on children (no self-respecting adult role-play enthusiast would use something so wimpy).

Some people I know in England swear by the efficacy of bamboo canes; the ones you buy for as little as 20p in garden centres. Similar straight unbending canes were used in some English schools in the 1960s (especially in the more down-market primary and secondary-mods). But it is now easier than ever before in Britain to purchase ‘authentic school type’ canes, not only online but in specialist shops or fetish fayres like the one held monthly in Birmingham. All sorts of corporal punishment toys are also available and in my own collection I have a two-tongued leather tawse, a wooden spanking paddle, rubber soled gym plimsolls, bedroom slippers, as well as several belts and canes.

You must be tired by now of these ramblings about my cane so I’ll end here. Next time I go to the laptop I’ll write a proper story for you. Promise.

 

Picture credit: Charles Hamilton II

Other stories you might like:

First day at St CIGS

Rory and Alistair 4: Young Ferguson

A whopping for Warminster

 

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Traditional School Discipline

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More stories from Charles Hamilton II are on the MMSA website

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Charles Hamilton the Second

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