The student’s big fat fail

Stacey clutched the essay in his hand despondently. An “F”. He had an “F”. A big fat fail. He looked forlornly at the professor seated at his desk in front of him. An “F”. Joseph Stacey had nobody to blame but himself. He had written the essay in haste. He hadn’t been near the library, … Continue reading The student’s big fat fail

University bully

  Hundreds of academics have been accused of bullying colleagues in the past five years, prompting concerns that a culture of harassment and intimidation is thriving in Britain’s leading universities. – Genuine news story “Bend over.” You stare dumbfounded, “Excuse me?” “I said bend over.” “I don’t understand.” “What part of ‘bend over’ don’t you … Continue reading University bully

Unexpected demonstration of affection

Nigel Wallace, a long-since retired professor at Brocklehurst University, was at home doing nothing when the phone rang. He didn’t recognise the voice at the other end and was a little alarmed when the man said he was a lawyer and asked Wallace to confirm his identity. Was he being accused of something? Lawyers always … Continue reading Unexpected demonstration of affection

Economics failure

Come in! Which one are you? Callaghan is it? I have a list. Yes, you’re on it here. You skipped my Economics 101 class and you haven’t handed in your coursework. Yes? Well, you are about to learn a very painful lesson. That’s the trouble with so many of you freshers. You don’t think you’re … Continue reading Economics failure

A right caning

I was on the bus the other day and there were two young men sitting behind me and one said a little loudly, “He gave him a right caning!” Naturally, my ears pricked up at this. Intrigued, I very casually turned my head to see who had spoken. They were two students. I could tell … Continue reading A right caning

The Dean’s list

Bruce is standing with his nose centimetres from the wall. The smell of damp plaster is cloying. He thinks he is about to sneeze. The passageway is hot and humid. The mid-afternoon sun blazes but none of the windows are open. They have been stuck closed for years: no budget for maintenance Bruce stares dead … Continue reading The Dean’s list

A Sting In The Tail

Federico Hernandez shuffled slowly from the elevator, took a left turn, waited for the automatic doors to slide open and headed at a snail’s pace to the professor’s office. It had seemed like a good idea at first. He had thought it through. It would be painful, for sure. Humiliating definitively. But, if the professor … Continue reading A Sting In The Tail

The Senior Tutor

Nineteen-year-old Liam Thomas stood, hands clasped behind his back, feet shuffling slightly, in front of the desk. Behind it sat the Senior Tutor, a stern man, imperious, dressed in a black academic gown. The Senior Tutor, Professor Adams, was doing his best to ignore the student before him. The professor liked to let the boys … Continue reading The Senior Tutor

Making the Grade

  “Look at these grades. I’ve failed psychology.” Randy Caulfield was despondent. He pushed the printed transcript across the table to his friend Seth. The nineteen-year-old student studied the paper carefully, as if a careful examination might change the ‘F’ into a pass. He took a long pull on his iced cola, “What are you … Continue reading Making the Grade

Professor Paddle

“It is indeed regrettable that the university failed to make proper provisions for regular corporal punishment as a normal part of academic tuition, but Armstrong and Kitso in your case I can assure you a sound spanking with a stout wooden paddle is very much in order.” The two miserable twenty-year-old students shifted their feet … Continue reading Professor Paddle