Fake News at New Year

new story 2

Five louts birched after New Year’s brawl

Brocklehurst Bugle

z used birch bare gym horse sting restrained (2)

Five louts each received 12 strokes of the birch on their bare buttocks for brawling in the street after a new law came into force at midnight on New Year’s Day.

The five, aged between 19 and 21, appeared before Brocklehurst Magistrates on Tuesday. Police Inspector Harry Dorian told the court there had been a series of fist fights in the High Street shortly after pubs closed at 2. a.m. “The louts were quickly arrested and locked up in the cells overnight,” he said.

All five admitted public order offences.

Chief Magistrate Gillingham Jones said, “We will not tolerate this disgraceful behaviour in Brocklehurst. I am delighted that the new law allows me to sentence each of you to a severe birching. I hope it serves as a lesson to you and to all others in the town who think they can terrorise the streets. There is no place for violence in Brocklehurst.”

The birchings were thought to be the first of their kind to take place in the country since a new law was introduced allowing corporal punishment to be administered on males under the age of 30. Punishment took place immediately after the sentence was handed down hours after the offences were committed.

Inspector Dorian who witnessed the birchings said they took place at the gymnasium at the central police station. “Each of the yobs was required to take off his trousers and underpants before being taken one at a time into the gym.”

He added, “They were big cowards and we needed two police officers to drag each of them over the vaulting horse. Special leather cuffs had been attached to it so we could tie them down.”

He said birches had been specially made in anticipation of trouble on New Year’s Eve. He added they would return to Widdicombe Wood later in the week to gather further supplies.

“One of our police sergeants administered the birchings. He is a burly copper and plays prop forward in the police rugby team. He undertook special training.”

A doctor was on hand to ensure no lasting damage was done. Police Inspector Dorian said, “Each one of the louts hollered the place down. They were all weakliness. They were begging for mercy after the first couple of strokes but we at Brocklehurst Police Service are determined to do our duty. Twelve strokes of a heavy birch across naked buttocks does a lot of damage and none of the yobboes could walk properly after the flogging. We had to let them recover in the cells.

“It serves them right. I have no sympathy.”

He warned that there would be extra police on patrol this coming weekend. “We will not hesitate to birch every young man in Brocklehurst if the need arises,” he said.

 

Picture credit: Sting Pictures

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More stories from Charles Hamilton II are on the MMSA website

Charles Hamilton the Second

charleshamiltonthesecond@gmail.com

2 thoughts on “Fake News at New Year

  1. Fantastic story, excellently well written and detail. Fantasise about being over that horse and getting a dose of the birch, smaller dose. A plus

    Like

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