Residents welcome new ‘adult school’
EXCLUSIVE Brocklehurst Bugle
Residents in a leafy suburb of Brocklehurst have welcomed an “adult school” that has just opened in their street.
It is the brainchild of a 65-year-old retired civil servant who calls himself “Mr. Quelch” after the schoolmaster in the famous Billy Bunter stories.
He has built a full-sized classroom on the back of his detached house in The Avenue. It has 15 authentic school desks from the 1950s, an old-fashioned blackboard and easel and a globe that has more than half the countries coloured in pink.
Behind a heavy oak desk is a glass-fronted cabinet. Dangling inside from their crook handles are an assortment of whippy rattan canes.
Mr. Quelch told the Brocklehurst Bugle in an interview the idea was for people over the age of 18 to experience life as a schoolboy in the 1950s. Pupils will be expected to wear a school uniform that includes a red blazer with white trimming, grey short trousers and knee socks.
Mr Quelch said, “We have real lessons in a number of subjects and the pupils are expected to behave themselves properly at all times.”
Those who do not will receive corporal punishment.
“I will pull down a boy’s short trousers and underpants and put him across my knee for a spanking on his bare bottom. I also have a leather taws, a plimsoll and, of course, the dreaded rattan cane. Which of these I use will depend on the degree of a boy’s naughtiness.”
Mr. Quelch has also decked out one of the six bedrooms in his house as a “headmaster’s study”.
He said, “At the end of the day each boy will be summoned to the headmaster’s study where he will have to explain his bad behaviour. I will administer six-of-the-best. This could be on the seat of the short trousers, the underpants or the bare bottom depending the severity of the offences.”
Mr. Quelch said he had already run two school days and there was a waiting list for two more next month. He also “deals with” naughty boys on a one-on-one basis in his headmaster’s study, by appointment.
The new adult school is a hit with neighbours. Mr. Ernie Flynn, aged 52, an accountant, who lives opposite Mr. Quelch told the Bugle, “What a jolly good idea. It sounds like a lot of fun. I can’t wait to sign up for a day.”
Mr. Eric Sloop, aged 45, a shop manager, of The Avenue, told the Bugle he hoped Mr. Quelch would expand his activities and deal with some real life trouble-makers. “I can think of a few louts who hang around Widdicombe Woods drinking and whatnot who would benefit from a stiff trousers-down, bare-bottomed caning,” he ejaculated.
To arrange a visit contact Mr. Quelch on _______________
Picture credit: Unknown
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