Fake News #9

z used otk pants chair (200)

Sneak housebreaker gets short, sharp shock

Special to Standard-Recorder

 

A young housebreaker got more than he expected for when he snuck into a house in East Mason Creek Thursday.

He did not know it was occupied by Art Greer, aged 29, a martial-arts expert, and his brother Harvey, 31.

Mr. Greer told the Standard-Recorder in an interview, “He came from nowhere and went into the kitchen searching in cupboards. He didn’t see us in the room next door. I think he was high. When he saw us he started talking very quickly. We couldn’t understand a word he was trying to say.”

Mr. Greer, a UPS driver, added, “It didn’t take any effort to apprehend him.”

He decided not to call the police. “It would have cost taxpayer dollars to get the cops involved. There wasn’t anything they would have done that I couldn’t do myself.

“He was a weak little guy aged about nineteen.  He didn’t put up any resistance.”

Mr. Greer added, “If my brother and I went breaking into neighbors’ homes our Pop would’ve blistered our butts.”

Harvey Greer said together the brothers stripped the intruder of his jeans. “My brother is a martial arts expert, he can handle himself. The punk didn’t stand a chance. Art had him down and across his knee and was spanking him with a clothes brush before he knew what was hitting him.”

Art Greer added, “He tried to wriggle free but I had him pinned down. I blistered him.”

The brothers do not know the identity of the intruder. They say he was dressed in blue jeans and a red coat. He had blond cropped hair. He spoke with a county accent.

“We didn’t really say much to one another. I beat his butt for about five minutes and he howled a lot. That was all.”

Police Chief Paddy Callaghan when contacted by the Standard-Recorder said he had no record of the break-in.

“The householder appears to have dealt with the situation himself. The law allows for this. The punk was lucky Mr. Greer didn’t shoot him.”

The Police Chief said his officers were always on hand to assist householders troubled by young men.

“We have a highly-trained police force, equipped with stout maple paddles and we aren’t afraid to use them,” he said.

Harvey Greer took a photograph of the spanking (pictured above) which he later uploaded to his Facebook page. As of yesterday it had received more than 500,000 views.

Picture credit: TropixxxStudiosdotcom

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More stories from Charles Hamilton II are on the MMSA website

 

Charles Hamilton the Second

charleshamiltonthesecond@gmail.com

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