Fake News at Christmas

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Santa Claus Irked at Unexpected Productivity Hike

Special to Lapland Ledger

Santa Claus is reportedly mad at a new directive forcing him to extend his naughty boys’ list to include guys up to the age of 21.

‘It’s outrageous, how can a man his age cope with all that work?’ a spokesperson for Santa told the Lapland Ledger.

By tradition Santa takes two lists with him when he travels across the world on Christmas Eve. Those on the ‘Nice’ list get presents because they have been good boys throughout the year. But guys whose names are on the ‘Naughty’ list can expect Santa to deliver a bare-bottom spanking using his special leather paddle.

The spokesperson said: ‘People don’t realise just how many more guys Santa will have to spank. There isn’t a college sports team in the Western World where players haven’t mooned their bare butts out the back window of the bus.’

The spokesperson said Santa would also have to deal with all those who have drunk alcohol or smoked weed illegally. The numbers could soar into the tens of thousands.

The spankings usually take place in the privacy of the bedroom or in the main living room in front of the seasonally-decorated tree. Naughty young men are expected to submit themselves willingly for the spanking. They would take down their own pants and underwear or pajama bottoms, depending upon how they are dressed. They are then expected to put themselves across Santa’s knee and take what’s coming.

The Lapland Ledger estimated it might take up to five minutes for Santa to complete just one spanking raising questions about whether there are enough hours on Christmas Eve for him to do the job.

Santa’s spokesperson declined to comment but did say: ‘Remember, Santa has mystical powers; he is not like other men.’

The news that late teens could be spanked at Christmas was dismissed by patrons of the Three Fishers bar. One 19-year-old youth who would only be identified as Chris said: ‘’Who cares? Everyone knows that there is no Santa Claus.’

Looks like someone’s in for a shock on Christmas Eve.

Picture credit: British Boys Fetish Club

More Fake News stories here


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More stories from Charles Hamilton II are on the MMSA website


Charles Hamilton the Second


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