Fake News #4

z used restrained horse (1)

Court Sentences Rude Son to Caning

EXCLUSIVE Brocklehurst Bugle

A disrespectful young man was given a painful reminder to mind his manners when talking to his mother when Brocklehurst Magistrates’ sentenced him to six strokes of the cane on the bare buttocks.

The court heard how rude 24-year-old Lawrence Jarosy, visited his mother’s house in Widdicombe Woods Road, on 29 September. He was in search of something to eat. When he was told there was no food for him, he “went berserk”.

Mr. Arbuthnot Featherington, prosecuting, said Jarosy was rarely at home. “He treated the home like a hotel and his mother like a skivvy. He was constantly disrespectful to his mother.”

Featherington added, “When he was told there was no food prepared for him, he went into the kitchen smashing open cupboards. Eventually, he found a tin of baked beans, but when he was unable to find a tin opener, he threw it at the wall, all the time cursing at his mother.

“Eventually, he rushed from the house and was not seen again until the following day.”

Jarosy told the court he had been drinking most of the day and did not remember much about the incident.

Senior Magistrate Col. A. R. P. Braithwaite told Jarosy, “Your behaviour was beneath contempt. A man of your age should know better. We should all respect our mothers at all times. It is to the great detriment of the nation that the youth of today no longer do this.

Much to the shock of the small crowd of neighbours who attended the trial, Col. Braithwaite said “I am very pleased to say that recently enacted legislation allows me to sentence you to be taken from the court into the punishment cell next door where you will receive six lashes of the cane on the bare buttocks. Take him down.”

Jarosy is one of the first to be sentenced to lashes in Brocklehurst. After sentence he was immediately escorted to the punishment cell which is a room of about three metres by three. It is empty except for a specially-built heavy wooden horse. Jarosy was forced to remove his trousers and underpants before laying across the horse. His ankles, thighs and wrists were then restrained with leather straps.

The cane is about 120 cm long and made of heavy Malacca. It has about five notches across its length and despite its denseness it is extremely whippy.

A police spokesperson said, “When sentencing is to be carried out, a doctor first examines the prisoner to ensure he is fit to withstand the lashing. Then, he is asked to strip from the waist. Wherever possible we like the prisoner to prepare himself. That includes submitting himself across the horse so he can be strapped down.

If he does not do this there can be an unseemly struggle and prison officers will force his trousers and pants off and then tie him down.

The spokesperson said Jarosy seemed dazed when he entered the punishment cell. He passed the medical and presented himself for his lashing “in exemplary style”.

He added that six heavy lashes were laid on with intervals of ten seconds between each. The buttocks were scarred and there was some bleeding.”

Mrs. Harriot Fitzgibbon, who works in a greengrocer across the street from the punishment cell, said, “We heard this eerie screaming, it was like a banshee. All the customers stopped to listen. It was really quite exciting.”


Picture credit: Unknown

More Fake News stories here


Other stories you might like

The Gaffer of the Academy: 1. Beginnings

The paying guest

The student’s big fat fail


More stories from Charles Hamilton II are on the MMSA website


Charles Hamilton the Second


One thought on “Fake News #4

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s