Fake News #3

z used longs desk school or office (9)

Headmaster Canes Dads of Naughty Pupils

EXCLUSIVE Brocklehurst Bugle

The Headmaster of a Brocklehurst school canes the fathers of misbehaving pupils because he says it is the only way to maintain discipline.

Children are beyond the control of schools and their parents do not care to discipline them, Mr. Roland Cuthbertson, headmaster of Brocklehurst High, said.

Mr. Cuthbertson told the Brocklehurst Bugle in an interview the only sanction schools had against naughty schoolboys was to suspend or expel them. Since corporal punishment had been banned in schools there had been no effective sanction, he added.

“Parents should take responsibility for their children’s behaviour, but fathers rarely take an interest. Their boys can run wild,” he said.

So, Mr. Cuthbertson hit on an original idea. If he cannot cane the boys he will cane their fathers instead.

“I call the fathers into my study and explain the situation. Either they will take a beating on behalf of their sons or I expel them,” he said. “The idea is to give the fathers a short, sharp shock. I hope they then go home and mete out some proper discipline on their sons,” he added.

A father of two boys at the school who cannot be named to protect his son’s identity, told the Bugle, “I was called to the headmaster’s study and he lectured me like I was a naughty schoolboy. He told me my son was constantly disrupting classes and not handing in homework.

“The headmaster said since he couldn’t cane my son, he would give me six-of-the-best instead.”

The father said Mr. Cuthbertson then produced an authentic school cane from a cupboard.

“It was the real thing,” the father said, “with a curved handle.”

The father added, “The headmaster swished the cane about a lot. It was really whippy. I could see it would be very painful if applied with some force across my backside.”

Mr. Cuthbertson then uttered those immortal words that used to strike fear in naughty schoolboys across the land, “Bend over that desk.”

The father said, “I couldn’t believe it. The headmaster pointed to a small wooden desk and said I should lift up the tail of my jacket and bend right over. I knew he was serious, it was either this or my son would be expelled.”

He added, “I had no choice, I bent over and gripped the legs of the desk, closed my eyes and waited.”

Mr. Cuthbertson then delivered six-of-the-best.

The father said, “It hurt like hell. I don’t know how schoolboys in the olden days were able to stand the pain. I had six red stripes on my bottom. I couldn’t sit down comfortably for the rest of the day.”

Mr. Cuthbertson claims his unusual method works. “The father asked if he could borrow one of my canes to take home with him, a request I was happy to grant,” he said.


Picture credit: Unknown

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